With A Grateful Heart by Chris Gil

Have you ever been sure you remembered something clearly, only to find out someone else remembers it completely differently? It’s strange, and a little unsettling, how two people can live the same experience but store it in very different ways.

When my youngest sister went into labor, I was in Italy. It was around 3 a.m. when the phone rang, her husband was calling to say the baby was coming almost three months earlier. My heart dropped. They weren’t prepared, and from across the ocean, all I could do was wait. Thankfully, both my sister and the baby survived, though they stayed in the hospital for weeks. I still remember staring out my window at the quiet Italian night, praying for them.

A few days later, my sister started texting me about a disagreement over the baby’s name. They both loved “Jean Marco,” but they couldn’t agree on the French spelling. In the middle of their little naming crisis, I tried to lighten the mood and suggested, “Why not use the Italian version; Gianmarco? It sounds the same and feels unique.” They both loved it instantly.

Fast-forward a few years; during one of her visits, we were laughing about old memories when this story came up. To my surprise, she insisted that I chose my nephew’s name. She even got a little upset that I didn’t want to “take credit” for it. I tried to explain that I didn’t come up with the name at all, I just suggested a different spelling of what they had already picked. In my mind, I remember two phone calls, one at 3 a.m., another at sunset by a lake, and several texts. She remembers six or seven calls. I remember that, at the time, international calls were extremely expensive, so I was very conscious of making or receiving them, I’m certain there were only two calls.

That’s when I thought of Dr. Elizabeth Loftus’s fascinating research on false memories. In her talk, she explains that memory isn’t like a video recording; it’s more like a story that changes a little each time we tell it. She calls this “imagination inflation”, when suggestion, emotion, or someone else’s version of events can reshape what we believe to be true.

Maybe, in the stress of that emotional time, my sister’s mind filled in the blanks, blending gratitude, exhaustion, and joy into a slightly different memory. It doesn’t make her wrong or me right, it just shows how flexible and deeply human memory really is.

Every time I think of this, I’m amazed at how memories can evolve, even between people who love each other deeply. What about you, have you ever had someone close to you remember the same moment in a completely different way? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

If you want to dive deeper into this fascinating topic, I highly recommend watching Dr. Elizabeth Loftus’s TED Talk here.
For a more in-depth look, her book The Myth of Repressed Memory, is an excellent read that explains how our memories can be influenced, reshaped, or even constructed. Both are eye-opening and make you think twice about how we remember the past.