With A Grateful Heart by Chris Gil

I recently watched the TED Talk How to Raise Successful Kids, Without Over-Parenting, and as a mom of a high-school senior, it really made me pause. It got me thinking about all the expectations I set; those invisible “boxes” I hope my daughter checks before graduation. Even with the best intentions, it’s surprisingly easy to slip into over-parenting without noticing.

One thing I’ve learned is this: parenting is not an effort in perfection; trying to be perfect only invites anxiety and self-criticism. I’m not saying mistakes don’t matter when it comes to our kids’ growth, but the truth is we’re human; we will make them. What really counts is that we learn from them and keep adjusting as we go.

Psychologists often talk about three main parenting styles: authoritarian, permissive, and authoritative. Authoritarian parents are strict and focus on obedience, often with little room for discussion. Permissive parents are warm and supportive, but they often don’t set enough rules or boundaries, which can make it harder for kids to learn structure and responsibility. Authoritative parenting strikes a balance; it combines clear expectations with warmth, communication, and support. Understanding these styles can help us see the ways our own approach might encourage independence, confidence, and healthy development in our children.

Authoritative parenting has always been my goal. It’s that sweet spot between being too strict and too lenient; a mix of structure, warmth, and open communication. Kids get clear expectations, but they also have the emotional space to grow, try new things, and figure out who they are.

It’s worth remembering that parenting isn’t one-size-fits-all. Every child has their own temperament and personality, and what works perfectly for one kid might fall flat for another. That’s where the idea of “goodness-of-fit” comes in, matching the way you parent to who your child is as a person. Some kids need more structure, some need more freedom, and others need extra emotional support. Staying flexible helps us support each child in the way that fits them best.

Here are a few simple ways to use the authoritative approach:

• Explain the “why” behind rules. When kids understand the purpose, they take more ownership.
• Encourage independence while staying supportive. Let them make age-appropriate choices and learn from them, with you nearby when needed.
• Choose conversation over punishment. Talking through difficult moments builds trust, emotional insight, and better decision-making.

What I love about this balance is that it helps kids thrive emotionally, socially, and academically; not because we’re steering every move, but because we’re guiding them with respect and trust. Watching my daughter step into her senior year has reminded me that growing up is her journey… and my role is to support, not control.

Which parenting approach feels most natural to you, and have you had to change it along the way? I’d love to hear your story in the comments.